Ask Elle: Coming out concerned

Elle gives advice to a student who has come out as bisexual—and whose parents seem uncomfortable with the news

Elle is MCHS’s advice columnist. Email her at [email protected].

Dear Elle: I have kind of a really big problem. I recently came out as bi to my family, and they have tried really hard to be accepting about it, but it clearly makes them uncomfortable. My mom has acted the way she acts when we have guests over for like a couple days now, and my younger sister keeps asking questions like, “Are you even sure? Have you ever kissed a girl?” I never know how to answer.

But it gets worse. My dad hasn’t really even talked to me, and it’s been a week. I don’t know if it will ever stop. I know some people have it worse — and at least they didn’t kick me out — but it’s still hard. It’s making me doubt my sexuality, and I don’t feel like myself. How should I handle this moving forward?

Sincerely, Bi Panic



This is a super hard situation, and I’ve been there before. Coming out to your family is certainly no cake walk. Some parents do not take the information very gracefully.

The first thing I would tell you is that of course, you’re never alone. There are some really fantastic resources for LGBTQIA+ youth, and some programs in our area. I would also encourage you, if you are not already, to seek professional help, and talk to a therapist. Because you need an outlet, a trusted adult.

But most importantly, you need to know that no one can take away your sexual identity. That is just something that is so uniquely yours, and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, that is something that no one can erase or get rid of.

One of my favorite resources is a site online called “Help Me See Myself,”  which is a collection of interviews of adult role models in the LGBTQIA+ community, telling their stories to help teens to see that they are normal, safe, and never alone. Check it out if you need some inspiration on how to live your truth.

You are wonderful and loved.


Need advice on school, work, love, life, or anything else that’s weighing you down? Email Elle at [email protected], and she may respond to your letter in the online or print edition of The McHenry Messenger.